How to Identify Your Core Values and Live Authentically

How to Identify Your Core Values and Live Authentically

Estimated Read Time: 10 minutes

 

Table of Contents

 

1. Introduction

  • Defining the "Authenticity Gap"

  • The shift from Hustle Culture to Value-Based Living

  • The MindlyWave Framework: Psychology, Neuroscience, and Spiritual Practices

2. Part 1 – Psychology: Discovering Your True Core Values

  • The "Value vs. Goal" Trap (How to tell the difference)

  • The 10 Basic Human Values: A Psychologist-Approved Framework

  • Actionable Step: A 5-Minute "Values Identification" Exercise

3. Part 2 – Neuroscience: Why Alignment Changes Your Brain

  • Neuroplasticity: Rewiring your brain for purpose

  • The "Dopamine of Meaning" vs. fleeting happiness

4. Part 3 – Spiritual Practices: How to Live Your Values Daily

  • The "Values-Alignment Journal" (3 prompts for daily use)

  • Using Mindfulness to navigate moments of misalignment

5. Practical Framework: What to Do When Values and Life Conflict

  • Step 1: Assess the "Conflict Spectrum" (Annoyance vs. Violation)

  • Step 2: Identify Non-Negotiables vs. Flexible Values

  • Step 3: Choose Your Action (Re-frame, Re-align, or Remove)

6. Conclusion

  • Embracing the journey to an aligned life

7. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

  • Quick ways to identify values

  • How many values you should have

  • Defining the "Authenticity Gap"


 

The "Authenticity Gap": Why You Feel Misaligned (and How to Fix It)

 

Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions? You might have a "good" job, a busy social life, and all the markers of success, but deep down, something feels... off. You feel adrift, burnt out, or stuck in a life that doesn't feel like your own.

This feeling is a symptom of a modern epidemic: the "authenticity gap." It's the space between the life you are living and the life your deepest self wants to live.

For years, many of us were taught to chase external goals—the promotion, the bigger house, the busier schedule. This "hustle culture" promised happiness but often delivered burnout. Now, a cultural shift is underway. People are no longer just asking "How can I be more productive?" They're asking, "How can I be more authentic?"

This is the heart of value-based living.

At MindlyWave, we believe that meaningful change begins from within. Answering this call for authenticity isn't a simple "life hack"; it's a journey of self-discovery. It's the process of closing that authenticity gap and beginning to practice living authentically.

The problem is, "live your values" can feel vague. How do you take a big idea like "authenticity" or "compassion" and turn it into daily action?

This guide provides a clear, three-part personal growth framework rooted in MindlyWave's core mission:

  1. Psychology (The "What"): We'll use psychologist-approved tools to help you identify your true core values.

  2. Neuroscience (The "Why"): We'll explore the science of why living in alignment literally rewires your brain for more purpose and clarity.

  3. Spiritual Practices (The "How"): We'll give you practical, daily tools to transform your intention into lasting change.

This isn't about overnight transformation. It's about empowering you with the tools for consistent growth, one aligned decision at a time.

 

Part 1 – Psychology: Discovering Your True Core Values

 

Before you can build a house, you need a blueprint. Your core values are the blueprint for your life. They are the fundamental beliefs that guide your actions, judgments, and decisions. This is the foundation of core values psychology.

The challenge is that many of us have never consciously defined them. We may have "inherited" values from our family, our culture, or our workplace that don't truly resonate with us. Learning how to identify core values is the first act of self-reclamation.

 

The 'Value vs. Goal' Trap (And How to Tell Them Apart)

 

A common pitfall is confusing values with goals.

  • A goal is a destination. It's something you can achieve or complete (e.g., "Run a marathon," "Get a promotion," "Buy a house").

  • A value is a direction. It's a way of being that has no end point (e.g., "Health," "Ambition," "Security").

You can "achieve" the goal of running a marathon, but you can never "finish" the value of "Health." It's a continuous practice. Identifying this difference is the key to setting goals that truly fulfill you.

Does the goal of "getting a promotion" serve your value of "Ambition," "Security," or "Impact"? If not, even achieving it might feel hollow.

 

A Psychologist-Approved Framework: The 10 Basic Human Values

 

To give you a starting point, psychologists have identified universal categories of values that are recognized across cultures. These aren't a definitive list, but a powerful mirror. See which ones you recognize in yourself:

  • Self-Direction: Freedom, creativity, independence, choosing your own goals.

  • Stimulation: Excitement, novelty, and challenge in life.

  • Hedonism: Pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself.

  • Achievement: Personal success through demonstrating competence.

  • Power: Social status and prestige, control or dominance over people and resources.

  • Security: Safety, harmony, and stability of society, relationships, and self.

  • Conformity: Restraint of actions and impulses likely to upset others or violate social norms.

  • Tradition: Respect, commitment, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that one's culture or religion provide.

  • Benevolence: Preserving and enhancing the welfare of those with whom one is in frequent personal contact (the "in-group").

  • Universalism: Understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and for nature.

You don't have to choose just one. Most of us are a blend of many. The goal is to find the 3-5 that are your "non-negotiables."

 

Actionable Step: A 5-Minute 'Values Identification' Exercise

 

Grab a pen and paper. This simple exercise can bring surprising clarity.

  1. Identify 2-3 "Peak Moments": Write down a few times in your life when you felt truly alive, proud, or deeply fulfilled. This could be a work project, a travel experience, or a quiet moment with a loved one.

  2. Identify 2-3 "Challenging Moments": Write down a few times you felt angry, frustrated, or deeply disappointed. These moments often signal a core value being violated.

  3. Find the Theme: For each "peak moment," ask: "What was I honoring in that moment?" (e.g., "Creativity," "Connection," "Freedom"). For each "challenging moment," ask: "What value was being ignored or trampled on?" (e.g., "Justice," "Honesty," "Balance").

  4. Name Your Top 5: Look at the list of words you've generated. Circle the 5 that feel most essential to who you are. This is your starting blueprint.

MindlyWave Tool: Want to go deeper? An online Personalized Assessment can help you process these ideas and give you a personalized growth plan.

 

Part 2 – Neuroscience: Why Alignment Changes Your Brain

 

Identifying your values is the "what." Understanding the neuroscience is the "why." This step is critical because it builds the motivation to do the hard work of aligning life with values.

Living your values isn't just a "nice-to-have"; it has a profound, physical impact on your brain.

 

Rewiring Your Brain for Purpose: The Neuroscience of 'Value-Based Living'

 

Think of your brain as a landscape of pathways. When you repeatedly act against your values (e.g., saying "yes" to a project when your value is "Balance"), you strengthen a neural pathway of misalignment. It becomes a "well-worn path" that's easy to take again and again, even though it makes you miserable.

"Value-based living" is the act of consciously carving new paths.

This process is called neuroplasticity. When you make a choice that aligns with a core value (e.t., declining that project to protect your "Balance"), your brain takes notice. You are actively strengthening a new neural pathway. The more you do it, the more "myelinated" (or insulated) that pathway becomes. It becomes the new default.

You are, quite literally, rewiring your brain for purpose.

 

The 'Dopamine of Meaning': Why Alignment Feels Better Than Happiness

 

Many people chase "happiness," which is often tied to short-term pleasure—a "dopamine hit" from a new purchase or a social media "like." This is the dopamine of reward. It's fleeting and often leaves us wanting more.

The neuroscience of purpose shows us something different. Living your values activates a different, more sustainable system. When your actions and values are aligned, your brain recognizes this as a positive, meaningful experience, which can indirectly stimulate the reward system. Your brain's value assessment center, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, helps you navigate these moments.

It's the feeling of "Yes, this is right." It’s not the giddy high of a roller coaster; it's the deep, sustained sense of clarity and purpose that comes from knowing you are acting as the person you want to be. This is the feeling that transforms intention into lasting change.

 

Part 3 – Spiritual Practices: How to Live Your Values Daily

 

This is where the journey comes to life. You've identified your values (Psychology) and you understand why it matters (Neuroscience). Now, you need the "how."

This is where "spiritual practices" come in. And let's be clear: this has nothing to do with religion. In this context, a spiritual practice is simply a consistent, intentional tool that connects you to your inner self. Journaling, mindfulness, and reflection are the tools you'll use to build the habit of alignment.

 

The 'Values-Alignment Journal': A 5-Minute Daily Practice

 

The single most effective tool for closing the Authenticity Gap is a daily alignment journal. It takes just five minutes at the end of your day. Use these three simple prompts:

  1. Which of my core values did I honor today? (e.g., "I honored 'Health' by taking a walk at lunch." "I honored 'Kindness' by patiently listening to a coworker.")

  2. When did I feel a 'moment of misalignment' today? (e.g., "I felt misaligned when I gossiped, which violated my value of 'Respect'.")

  3. What is one small way I can practice a core value tomorrow? (e.g., "Tomorrow, I will honor 'Curiosity' by asking more questions in the team meeting.")

This practice does two things: It trains your brain to celebrate your "wins" (strengthening those new pathways) and it compassionately identifies your "conflicts" without judgment, turning them into data for your next-day's growth.

 

Using Mindfulness to Navigate the 'Moments of Misalignment'

 

Mindfulness is not about "clearing your mind." It's about managing your mind. A daily mindfulness practice for alignment is about creating a tiny space between a stimulus and your response.

That "moment of misalignment" you identified in your journal? Mindfulness is your tool to catch it in real-time.

Here’s the scenario: Your boss sends a frantic email at 6 PM, violating your value of "Balance."

  • Your old (unconscious) reaction: Immediately feel stress, open the email, and start working. The "hustle" pathway fires.

  • Your new (mindful) response: You feel the buzz. You feel the stress. You pause. You take one conscious breath. You notice the urge to react. You ask, "Does this serve my value of 'Balance'?" In that tiny pause, you reclaim your power. You decide to wait until morning.

This is not a "hack." This is the hard, transformative work of self-discovery.

 

What to Do When Your Values and Life Conflict (A Practical Framework)

 

This is the biggest question we get. "I've done the work. I know my values. But my job and my value of 'Creativity' are in total conflict." Or "My family demands and my value of 'Freedom' are at war."

This is the real work. When your values and your reality are in conflict, you feel it as stress, burnout, and resentment.

In our work, we find this is the #1 obstacle to an aligned life. We use a 3-step framework to help people navigate these high-stakes conflicts, especially in their careers.

 

Step 1: Assess the 'Conflict Spectrum' (Annoyance vs. Violation)

 

Not all conflicts are equal. First, get clear on the severity.

  • Is this an Annoyance? (e.g., "My company uses software I hate." This conflicts with your value of "Efficiency," but it's probably not a deal-breaker.)

  • Is this a Violation? (e.g., "My company is lying to its customers." This is a direct, systemic violation of your value of "Honesty.")

"Annoyances" can often be managed. "Violations" demand action.

 

Step 2: Identify Your Non-Negotiables and 'Flexible' Values

 

Look at your list of 5 core values. Now, get really honest. Which ones are your "non-negotiables," and which are "flexible"?

For example, "Honesty" might be a non-negotiable for you in a job. You simply cannot work at a place that isn't transparent. But "Creativity" might be flexible—you're okay with not having it in your 9-to-5 as long as you have ample time and energy to pursue it in your hobbies.

This ranking exercise is an act of profound clarity. It stops you from thinking you need to "have it all" in one place and helps you build a life—inside and outside of work—that meets all your needs.

 

Step 3: Choose Your Action (Re-frame, Re-align, or Remove)

 

Once you've assessed the conflict, you have three clear paths forward.

  1. Re-frame: This involves changing your mindset. You look for ways to find or practice your value in your current situation. If your value is "Impact" and you feel stuck in a boring role, can you re-frame your work by mentoring a new hire? Can you find the "impact" in a new way? This is best for low-level conflicts.

  2. Re-align: This involves changing your situation. You don't leave the job, but you "re-align" your role. Can you talk to your manager about taking on a new project that better suits your value of "Creativity"? Can you set a hard boundary at 5:30 PM to protect your value of "Balance"? This is about actively sculpting your current role to be a better fit.

  3. Remove: This is the last and most courageous option. You've tried to re-frame and re-align, but the conflict is a non-negotiable "Violation." The job is fundamentally incompatible with who you are. The "Remove" option means making a plan to leave—not out of anger, but out of clarity. It's the ultimate act of alignment, choosing your values over your circumstances.

 

Your Journey to an Aligned Life

 

Creating a life that reflects your deepest values is not a one-time project. You don't "find your values" on a Saturday afternoon and then you're "done."

It is a practice. Living authentically is a daily, sometimes hourly, choice.

There will be days you feel perfectly aligned and days you feel like an imposter. This is not a sign of failure; it is a sign that you are human. The goal is not perfection. The goal is "consistent growth" and "lasting change," and that comes from a place of self-compassion.

Your journey is unique. It's a path of self-discovery that only you can walk. The good news is, you don't have to walk it alone.

If you're ready for personalized strategies to transform your intention into lasting change, explore MindlyWave's digital wellness programs.

 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) About Core Values

 

Q1: What is a quick way to identify my core values?

A quick way is to use self-reflection. Ask yourself what's most important to you in life. Think about a few "peak moments" when you felt most alive or fulfilled, and identify the values you were honoring (like "Creativity" or "Connection"). Conversely, think about times you felt frustrated or angry, as this often signals a core value being violated. You can also look at the people you admire most—the qualities you respect in them often reflect the values that are true to your core.

Q2: How many core values should I have?

While lists can contain dozens of values, most experts suggest narrowing your focus to a handful that are truly "core." Researcher Brené Brown, for example, suggests identifying just two core values to guide you, forcing you to prioritize what's most important. Many people find a list of 3-5 values to be the most manageable and effective for guiding daily decisions.

Q3: What's the difference between values and goals?

This is a common point of confusion. Think of values as your compass and goals as destinations on the map. A value is a direction you live by continuously (like "Health" or "Honesty"). A goal is a destination you can achieve and "tick off" (like "Run a marathon" or "Get a promotion"). Your goals are the actions you take to live in alignment with your values.

Q4: What is the "authenticity gap"?

The "authenticity gap" is the psychological space between your stated values (your aspirational self) and your actual, everyday behaviors (your revealed self). You experience this gap as feeling "inauthentic" when your actions are not congruent with your core self-conceptions and beliefs. Closing this gap is the primary work of value-based living.

 

Written by the MindlyWave Team

Our team blends knowledge from psychology, neuroscience, and spiritual traditions to provide you with actionable, evidence-based guidance for your well-being journey. We are committed to the highest standards of accuracy and helpfulness.

To support you on this path, we invite you to explore our digital wellness tools, designed to transform your intention into lasting, authentic change.

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